By: Kayla Pasacreta

November 9th, 2016 must be a day etched in history that no American will ever forget. The day of the election I was insanely excited; rocking a Hillary Clinton shirt, pressuring my friends to head to the polls, and eagerly retweeting HRC's tweets in anticipation of the big night. I'll never forget how proud l I felt to be casting my first-ever election ballot for a woman. Sure, she had her flaws. Still, I was confident that people would know that she was the best woman for the job. 

I will never forget being in my friend Phelicia's apartment, watching election coverage and waiting for the results to pour in. I knew sh**t was getting bad when Hillary didn't win Ohio. At 10:27pm on November 8th, my faith was descending. My 'on this day' Facebook memory shows my status as, "Even if Hillary does pull through and win, this is a sad night for America."

Still, I had hope. My heart eventually sunk in disbelief when CNN covered she also was trailing in the key states of Pennsylvania, Florida, and Michigan. 

FiveThirtyEight, one of the most reputable and well-known polling sites, had cited Clinton's chance of winning at 70%. Polls all over predicted Clinton would glide through an easy win over an obnoxiously unqualified candidate. That didn't happen. I must have stayed up until at least 4am that night, desperately waiting for any indication that some states got votes wrong, or the major news networks had to correct their winning projections. That also never happened.

Arguably one of the most experienced candidates in history lost the election to a man who bragged about grabbing women by the p***y on camera. I could go on and on about Trump's pattern of outrageous behavior both before and during the campaign, but there's no point now. Every day that I think about Donald Trump being president, all I can ask myself is why? HOW?

The day after the election, it felt like darkness loomed over the country. I couldn't bring myself to attend social and political philosophy; a class I had many discouraging debates with Trump supporters who insisted he was the best option for the country. They constantly ignored and defended his problematic statements. Heck, one girl in my class even said Hillary would probably be too emotional to be Commander-in-Chief. My writing professor sent me an email saying she understood if I felt like class wasn't a safe space that day. Scrolling down my Instagram timeline, I read posts of friends who shared my disbelief. Van Jones' tearful CNN monologue deeming the day a 'whitlelash' stuck with me,

I thought about Barack Obama having to attend the inauguration of a man who insisted for years he wasn't born in this country. I resented that because Barack was a black man, he had to be twice as diplomatic and professional. He couldn't voice his true frustration and feelings toward Donald Trump. I hated seeing the photos of the Obama family side by side with the Trump family on Inauguration day.

I thought of Barack Obama's legacy being instantly erased. I thought of the LGBT community having to call Mike Pence their VP, immigrants who would now be the targets of emboldened practitioners of xenophobia, and the overall safety of black people. I was also deeply worried about turnout in future elections. 94% of black women had done their job and showed up to vote for Clinton. Even though Hillary Clinton won the popular vote by over 3 million votes, she ultimately lost the election. Would it be difficult to rebuild people's sense of political efficacy and power after this? 

These feelings are still as fresh a year after the election. Though they're uncomfortable, I never want to forget how that night made me feel. I never want to experience a night like that again, and will do everything I can to inform people to prevent such a regression from ever happening again. I'll end this with an excerpt Hlilary Clinton's letter to her young self in Teen Vogue:

I know, the 2016 election was discouraging and you see a P.O.S. (look that up) in the Oval Office every day. But, you and me are better and stronger than a shitty election. Mobilize, do your research, VOTE, run for office, or do whatever keeps you goin' and inspired. We will overcome this.